Discuss who pays for what.
On household journeys, “there is very little money flowing uphill” to the older era, Madonna Harrington Meyer, a Syracuse University sociologist and writer of “Grandmothers at Work,” has present in her analysis.
Grandparents usually default to selecting up the tab, particularly when kids are visiting, however grandparents could also be close to or in retirement. Hosting prices can improve with every in-law and grandchild.
The senior Morgans used to shoulder trip leases, till their rising household meant larger homes at larger costs. Now, they ask every household to pay one-fifth.
However, for the previous few years, Donna and David Bolls, who reside in Charlotte, N.C., have accepted a daughter’s invitation to be a part of her household in a cottage on Seabrook Island, S.C. She declined their provide to pay a part of the week’s lease.
“We try to grab the check if we go out to eat,” Ms. Bolls, 65, mentioned. “Sometimes we split the groceries. We don’t want them footing the whole bill, even if they can afford it.” Caring for his or her grandchildren, 5-year-old twins, helps steadiness the ledger.
Beware of outdated patterns.
“People tend to fall back into their usual roles without thinking,” mentioned Sally Tannen, an early childhood educator who for years has led the parenting and grandparenting workshops on the 92nd Street Y in Manhattan.
Adult kids can regress, anticipating their mother and father to maintain them and their kids. “But you’re an adult now,” Ms. Tannen famous. Similarly, grandparents could anticipate being in cost, a recipe for battle in shut quarters. “We’ve always been the caregivers, and it’s hard to let go of,” she mentioned. “We like to hold on to control.”