“I can relate to Ted Cruz,” Stephen Colbert stated on Thursday night time. “Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too.”
“And get this: 85 percent of people who watched Biden’s speech approved of it. That’s amazing. The only other things Americans like that much are Dolly Parton and cheese fries.” — JIMMY FALLON
“In Trump’s first 100 days he accomplished a lot, too. He tweeted that Snoop Dogg’s career was failing, that Nordstrom was mean to Ivanka, and that he was a better host of ‘The Apprentice’ than Arnold Schwarzenegger.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Desus and Mero shared some ideas about Justin Bieber’s new dreadlocks.